written by: Birthmother Samantha
Our: Samantha, Addi, Declan!
Story: How Deckland became Declan!
I am writing this today to tell everyone how Deckland became Declan! And our journey with Haven Adoptions.
But first let me introduce us…
I’m of course Samantha Sue, I am 23 years young who has given birth to two beautiful babies! The first baby was born January 17, 2011 and her name is Addisyn aka Addi! The second baby is now known as Declan aka Little Dude Man and was born March 29, 2015! And then there is Chris. He is 25 years old.
I was 18 when I got pregnant with Addi and 19 when I finally had her. Yes, I was young but I knew from that moment I was going to keep her and adore her for the rest of her life! She changed my life so much! She is now 4 and is so funny, smart and oh so beautiful!!
I was 22 when I got pregnant with Little Dude Man. And 23 when he thought it would be ever so clever to break my water in the Pet section in Wal-Mart! Talk about emotions. I was laughing and crying.
However, Declan was different and his story changed everything!
Chris is Addisyn’s father. He was 20 when Addi was first born and he was scared. He was confused. He is a good father, it just took him a lit bit to catch up with the program!
Addi and I had moved to Grafton, West Virginia in 2013 with a close friend. I moved for a change, to start over since Addisyn’s father was not quite ready to be a dad at that point! I met Declan’s father (J.K.) after 4 months of being in WV. It started out amazing! J.K. had a 5 year old son (M.K.) and there of course was Addi! Addi and M.K did not always get along. So to be safe I was on birth control! Then after 7 months of our relationship I found out I was pregnant! Something changed. People changed…
So I had to ask myself….
What is best for Addi?
What is best for myself?
Am I ready for this life?
Am I ready to raise another baby?
The answers to these questions did not sit well with me… And that is when I knew I could not keep Declan!
In August was my first OBGYN appointment. I saw him on the monitor and I just felt disgusted! I couldn’t believe I was pregnant! I was not happy I was pregnant at all. At this point J.K. and I fought left and right! It was to the point the smell of the house got to me and I would vomit! The sight of him disgusted me! And I even said to him that I just wanted Chris to rescue us! I started looking up ABORTION clinics. Called a few but couldn’t go through with it.
In September, Addi and I moved in with my mother who also moved down to WV. I had to get away from J.K.! So I started applying for jobs. But my heart ached for Chris. I just wanted him to hold me and make all my fears disappear. I just wanted my family back. I was puking all the time. And deep down I do not believe it was morning sickness. It felt like baby Declan was pushing me back to Chris. So as time went on I still was searching… lost without any answers. Didn’t know what was right or wrong. All I knew is that I could not care for this baby! The more time passed the more ill and disgusted I became. I just wanted this “thing” out of me! I know……. sounds horrid! How could a mother think that way about a child! Well that is just it. I was raised that your kids should have the same father/mother! And not only that but when J.K .found out I was pregnant the more lies he told to me. The more the truth came out about who he really was! Which disgusted me even more.
In October, I moved back to PA with an old sister like friend M.W. After being back in town Chris and I hooked back up and started seeing one another. This time was different. He was more involved with Addi and I. So I stayed at M.W.’s until Chris and I were able to get our own place. He knew I was pregnant from the beginning and he was fine with it. He asked what I wanted to do. So I told him that abortions just aren’t the way to go. Just because I do not want this baby doesn’t mean someone else won’t! But still lost on where to go and what to do, I still searched for answers!
Things started to look up for us. Chris and I got our own place in November. However, one thing was still not solved. Where was this baby going to go?! I had reached out to friends who said keep him. I couldn’t! I had friends who said adoption. I was too embarrassed to go to one of those places. What was I going to do? What was I supposed to say? No one had these answers it seemed. After awhile the disgusted feeling went away. However, I knew I did not feel how a mother was supposed to feel. So I kept searching. That old friend M.W. once said she would take him. But her kids are brats. And I want the best for this baby even though I do not want to care for him. Nearing the end of November I searched for adoption agencies. I found a couple I liked. Maggie from Haven Adoptions was the first to respond to me. We emailed for weeks. And then I filled out papers. We talked on the phone and then finally met in person! She gave me profiles to look over. I took them home and began to read them. I found one I liked. E and L! Their home was beautiful and they were just everything I hoped for as parents. Even though they had no children I still could tell they would be the prefect match! I looked no further! I finally got to meet E and L in person. They were amazing. Even though they were upper class they didn’t treat Addi and I any different. We talked for a while and got to really connect with one another. After the meeting was over Addi and I went back home. We talked about how much we liked Maggie, E and L. A couple weeks had passed and I began to feel like giving this baby to M.W. would be a better option so if Addi wanted to she could see him. And because I knew M.W. better then I knew this couple! So I had told Maggie I changed my mind and was going to parent. And she was okay with that. The next 3 months come and go and I still planned on giving him to M.W.! M.W. could not afford adoption costs. So we came up with this plan to put her boyfriend (R.L.) on the Birth Certificate and give this baby the name they picked (B.M.L). Here comes the big day when Little Dude Man decides to make his arrival. M.W. is in the hospital with me. I sign my papers, watch some videos along with R.L.! A month after Declan’s birth I decided that what I did was not right to anyone of us! I cheated E and L out of a baby. I lied about Declan’s real father. I lied to Addi on who Declan really was. And I lied to myself. I kept telling myself what I did was okay. When in the end it wasn’t. One day I woke up. Smelled my flowers outside and decided it was time to make things right! I called Maggie and told her the whole truth and nothing but the truth. She called their lawyer and asked what to do. She then called me and told me she would come the next day. It was a Monday when I drove to M.W.’s house and asked for Little Dude Man. After getting him back to my house I told her the truth. Even though she was mad, angry and hurt I still felt like it was the right thing to do! Tuesday, Maggie came to my house and we signed the proper documents. I made things right by meeting E and L once again at a buffet and giving Baby Declan to them.
Happy Ever After,
In that moment I could tell everything was finally perfect! L was so happy and overwhelmed that you could tell she wanted to cry! I wanted to cry because I finally felt like everything was in place. That this baby was finally with his Forever Home! That all my worries were washed away! And in that same moment he smiled so big. I knew in that very instant everything was going to get brighter.
Addi, Samantha & Chris: Living Happily Ever After- loving and caring for one another.
Deckland, E and L: Living Happily Ever After-raising and teaching Declan how he became Declan!
Maggie & Haven Adoptions: Continuing to give people hope in finding their baby a new family and caring for everyone involved and being the best at what they do!
* The End *